* parent de-stressing *

How to Relax --For Parents

parent de-stressing is a sometimes overlooked aspect of parenting. In regard to other aspects of life, there has been much written regarding stress. If it is important then, it's doubly important when you have a new baby or toddler, to take the time for parent de-stressing for yourself.

Parenting doesn’t mean you have to put the rest of your life on hold. But it is helpful, even crucial, for family life and for parents, to get the stress reduced and to learn how to relax.

In our hectic, rushing, stress filled world these days, it can only be a good practice to figure out ways of parent de-stressing.

Some time honored ways to relax are as follows:

Sleep

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If you are perpetually sleepy, it won’t help you or your baby, it’s hard on your heart, and your parent de-stressing efforts will fall short. If it is possible, have a nap when the baby sleeps. Give yourself permission to leave some of the muss and housework in favor of your physical well being-which leads to calm emotional well being as well.

Enlist the co-operation of other family members for tasks so that you have time to have some parent de-stressing time for rest or napping. I know a mother who was frustrated when she collected the laundry when socks were all wadded up in smelly little balls. This is a good incidence where a trivial thing can make a big difference to your calm nature and parent de-stressing. You get a lot of bang for your buck by requesting co-operation. Like so: “We’re a team and I need your help please. I’m tired and I need to find some time to get some rest. To make things easier for me, please un-wad the little sock balls before you put socks in the hamper. Thank-you!”

If you have other children make the time when baby sleeps a napping or quiet rest time for everybody.

Expand your mind

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Do something everyday to expand your mind-even if it is as simple and quick as adding a new word to your vocabulary. Make a "word for your day".

A moment out to meditate

Close your eyes in a quiet spot and meditate. It doesn’t have to be a long time in order to gain benefits from meditating. There’s no major learning required for simple quiet time out.

Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed-this is the biggest challenge when you have a curious toddler beginning to be mobile. However, toddlers are keen on doing what you are doing. Take advantage of that curiosity and have your toddler practice with you for your parent de-stresing time.

Have a soft or comfortable mat for each of you. Sit cross legged or with legs spread wide apart and have your child imitate your position. Calm your mind. Relax.

To keep them interested, you can add hand positions and sounds. Have your toddler touch index finger to thumb if they are able. If not, have them make a loose fist or spread all their fingers apart. Then add the sound “da-da-da-da” or “ma-ma-ma-ma” or “ah” or “ohm”--whatever sound they can make and sustain for a short period of time.

Start with a short session and increase time as your toddler is able, to about 10. min. if possible.

Walk

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Take a walk with or without your baby or children. If someone can look after them for a half hour or so (a spouse, grandparent, neighbor, friend) go by yourself. You could work out an arrangement where you look after your friend’s kids while she goes for a parent de-stressing walk and then she looks after yours while you do parent de-stressing with some downtime walking.

For times when that doesn’t work, bundle everybody up and all go for a walk. If both parents are available at certain times, make it a family affair—everybody go and everybody benefit from parent de-stressing.

Yoga

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Do some Yoga. Incorporate a few of the basic positions into your daily parent de-stressing routine.

Stretching

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Or just some basic stretching can be highly beneficial in regard to lowering stress--and blood pressure if you have that problem. By the way, if you haven't checked your blood pressure recently, it would be a good idea to get a base line and then periodically check it. (Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional so saying that is not medical advice--it's just good advice :-) Check things out with your health care professional.)

Massage

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Massage areas like your neck and shoulders. Self massage doesn’t require any equipment and you can do it on sore areas several times a day. You can double the benefits if you incorporate manipulation around some pressure points.

Budget

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Make a budget. Why is this in a parent de-stressing and a baby/toddler advice section? Because, often finances are one of the major sources of stresses that families experience and it can have major ramifications for the smooth, calm functioning of your family’s life together. Babies or toddlers are sensitive and pick up on issues that are flying around the home by being fussy. It’s a snowball effect.

to budgeting from parent de-stressing

So, it's a good idea to budget. It can be a simple budget: ins and outs. Then everyone will know where you stand. After fixed costs and necessary expenses are identified, then, ideally, no matter where the money comes from or whether there is one or if there are two bread winners, each adult should be allocated a personal parent de-stressing portion of the finances that are left, to do exactly what they want with their portion.

This is a huge step toward allowing shared control and independence and minimizing resentments all around. And consequently everyone’s stress level goes down.

A household with less stress equals more content adults. More content and calm adults equal less anxious babies. Calmer babies mean happier toddlers and teens and the whole household operates more smoothly. Your budget can be as simple as in-putting the appropriate amounts into a basic spread sheet or like old timers, simply a notebook with paper marked with columns! Like so:

Income from all sources: salary, business profits,investments, etc.=____************* Expenses:

Fixed (things such as rent, mortgage, property tax, insurance, water, heat (an average amount for a year), cable, phone, Etc.

Variable regular (things such as telephone if it’s not a flat rate, heat if not fixed, average of food for a year which can be broken down into months), etc. Other (things such as entertainment, travel, misc.)

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It makes the most secure feeling when expenses are equal to or less than incoming! I would like this to be an obvious statement but given that, in America anyway, the personal credit card debt for every individual is (at this point) about $26,000, it doesn’t seem to be so obvious.

This is a definite parent de-stressing effort to address. Life is so much easier and more satisfying if following the budget comes before overspending. Soooo much better for stress levels. A good axiom to follow is: Live within your means.

Talk

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Call a friend and chat--for parent de-stressing. Tell your phone mate that you need to share your feelings. Talk it out.

Music

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Listen to music. Music is the consummate soother depending on what you choose. The wrong choice for you can make you irritable and disgruntled. People’s tastes are different. Find the one that is right for you and listen to that style of music when you need to de-stress.

There are types that are purported to help raise test scores and increase brain activity. Mozart’s music, in particular, is said to help raise test scores if listened to before a test.

Soak

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Soak your feet in a tub of warm water with some Epsom salts in it for a pick me up for tired feet. Or soak your whole body in a lavender bubble bath as time permits (don’t leave baby unattended though while you fluff off to the bubble tub for your parent de-stressing!)

Breath

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Learn and practice deep breathing. Take mini breaks and inhale and exhale deeply. Push your stomach out when you inhale.

Organization

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Organize your day. Make lists.Use calendar pages.Don’t try to do everything in one day.Break tasks down into manageable parts.Don’t get overwhelmed. If it doesn’t get done today there is tomorrow or next week. Everything doesn’t have to be done yesterday. Simplify—if extra stuff (objects) frustrate you, get rid of it/them and practice minimalazation. If you like stuff, organize it. If you like stuff don’t feel guilty about keeping it.

Learn to say, “no”. You can do it in a polite way. There are only so many hours in a day and you need to guard your parent de-stressing time like crazy! Don't throw it away. If the cause is a must do, do. If it's a maybe do, don't.

Or if you are the kind of person who needs to get away and do something else in order to come home and feel inspired, don’t feel guilty about taking on whatever you can manage as long as you don’t wear yourself or your family out. Set priorities. Leave ample time for parent de-stressing.

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Give yourself flowers! If you need some right now, these are for you!

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These are some of the ways that can get you into the habit of parent de-stressing or hanging loose or chilling out or takin’ it down a thousand, or just plain ‘ol relaxing. Relaxed parents = calm functioning household and that’s something to smile about.