whining toddlers need some behavior modification

Whining toddlers in the house make tension...

Whining toddlers is a situation that many families experience. For example, lets say there are several older siblings in the family, and an 18 month old who whines and cries to get what he wants. The patience of the family is wearing thin, and no wonder. Whining can grate on a person's nerves. In this situation there is added anxiety because the child doesn't talk yet. What to do...

Often times toddlers who have older siblings find it unnecessary to talk. Assuming that the child has been tested or at least looked at by a medical person and ruled out any physical problems and/or deafness, he will probably one day surprise you and perhaps out of the blue begin talking. If all is well with regard to physical and emotional issues, it would be beneficial if the parents try to minimize their fears that the child won't ever get around to talking.

It may not seem like it (or it may, in fact, seem very much like it!, but the fear that a child won't talk is probably adding pressure on everyone. A child is super sensitive to parent's anxiety and you don't want any self-fulfilling prophesies taking place, so, try to keep worrying to a minimum (easier said than done? A through medical check-up may help relieve some of the anxiety).

Often time whining toddlers have learned that they can get what they want if they whine--because it is so unpleasant for anyone listening to it, that eventually, parents have a tendency to give in, which reinforces the whining because wow, it works!

whining toddlers can be quite persistent in their whine mode. The tension that the situation creates in your household is probably a major concern. Whining can be very bothersome and annoying and can wear everyone out. Lack of restful time compounds the problem and snowballs it into a major stressful situation.

When it seems like the whining is constant, it may be hard to determine exactly what is bringing it on. But it is important to try to determine why he whines and to intervene before it gets to the whimpering, crying stage. It may not seem like it, but you do have a window (small though it may be) where you can zoom in before the whimpering whining toddlers start whining.

The causes of whining usually have to do with things like attention seeking, boredom, lack of skill in a required task, hunger, sickness or on the verge of getting sick, or just plain being tired.

With older children in the home, check to see if the child is being required to do tasks that are beyond his level of learning. If that seems like a possibility, lend a hand when he gets frustrated and/or teach him the skills he requires. And if necessary, lower the expectations for him somewhat until he catches up.

Needing attention is a frequent cause of whining. The old adage, 'some attention-even negative attention-is better than no attention' could be what is happening with a whiner. Try to catch the moments when your child seeks attention in a positive way and reinforce those moments. When the whining is habitual, you may have to be vigilant in finding these moments as they may be far and few between.

You can speak to your child and tell him that whining hurts your ears and you will listen to his needs when he "talks" to you in a regular voice. It is clear that he can make sounds because whining is a sound. Show him what a 'nice' sound sounds like. And tell him that your ears can hear the nice sounds much better. THEN be really alert to break the cycle by moving in to respond when you see that he needs attention before the whine, AND to respond when he makes sounds that are pleasing--appreciate (tell him you like his nice sound) and respond to whatever his need is (hunger, frustration, etc.).

It would be very helpful if all the family members would co-operate to reinforce the kind of behavior you want from this child. Everyone can be alert to the pleasing sounds and try to respond to what the child wants before the fact. Your older children can help, but it is especially important that both parents(or primary care-takers) are on the same page in regard to following through on your approach. Be a team and be consistent and your efforts will be rewarded by your child's improved behavior.

Ignoring the unpleasant sounds can be effective, but in the long run would probably be counter-productive as this is a child who needs something--the problem is figuring out what he needs and then how to help him get what he wants in a more acceptable way. If you decide to use ignoring as a technique, make sure that you stick with it and don't give in to the whining even if it persists for a long time. Because, if after a half hour of whining, you give in, the message you have sent to your child is: whine for a half hour and I will get what I want. Plan the use of this technique when the only people in the household who are around are one/s who will co-operate and who can handle a lengthy session of sound pollution. And it is super important to have shown your child what you expect (show her the nice sounds that you WILL hear) and occasionally look at her and say, "here is the kind of sound that I can hear____ "--and make an acceptable sound. Make for certain sure that this does not turn into a shunning technique.

Learning a few sign language words would be helpful in giving your child a distraction (from the whining technique) as well as allowing him to feel good about an accomplishment that he can learn. When he finds that he gets approval and strokes for this alternative communication, it may lessen the whining. Using signs such as "drink", "hungry", "I hurt", "toy" "happy", "good", give him a way to communicate his needs--and maybe some fun ones like "turtle" and "frog", etc. can give you something to share with your child. If you don't have time to learn some ASL (American Sign Language), you can make up some of your own words that seem to express what your child wants to convey and use these with your child. You can find some of the hand signs at this site Boredom is another common cause of whining toddlers. If he sort of hangs around and just whimpers and lolls about, that's a good sign of boredom. Give him some stimulating activities that will help him to feel better about himself. If he hasn’t learned to entertain himself, he may need some instruction in how to find things to do. Supply some materials for him to use (painting, crayons, gardening, playdough, etc.). If he gets some quality time with parents he will probably become less demanding.

Be alert to the things that trigger your whining toddlers whining; intervene before it gets to the whining stage; reinforce positive behavior; try to adjust tasks to his or her level; fill his time when he seems on the verge of getting bored; be sensitive to the times when he is tired or frustrated or perhaps doesn't feel recognized because there is too much going on and the older children require much of your time. Know that you are doing your child a favor by dealing with whining toddlers behavior at this point.

And finally, give yourself permission to take a self indulgent break occasionally from your whining toddlers. You'll be a better parent for it :-)

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